This is Forty.
Or, at least, halfway through.
As I write this – just two snoozes from Christmas Day – I find myself in a reflective kind of mood. For starters, I’m six months removed from turning the big 4-0, and six months away from officially moving into my FORTIES!!!
We’re also at the tail end of another year that as is customary, flew way too fast.
If you saw my play you know that cliche. Simply put – time flies, baby. Especially when you don’t take the time to slow it all down. To pause and reflect where you’ve come from, how good you’ve got it – AND – to gaze ahead and ponder what dreams may come.
When I crested this year – flipping the page on a new calendar that not only held my Fortieth spin around the Sun BUT also the Mayan Apocalypse, I guess it proved only fitting that while I couldn’t have known I’d be entering divorce proceedings a short time later, somehow it made perfect sense.
This year was one for the ages.
In 2012, I wrote 40 Blog Posts chronicling 40 significant moments in my life on the lead up to that fateful birthday. I co-starred in one play and wrote/assistant directed another – seeing it premiere before 6 Sold Out audiences (well, five full and one close to capacity). I stepped way outside my comfort zone and grabbed a principal role in the musical ‘Willy Wonka‘ – playing way above my age as ‘Grandpa Joe’ – and singing in EIGHT!!! songs before a captive audience. I danced in Aria’s recital and became assistant coach of Colin’s basketball team. I fooled y’all on April 1st with the implausible tale that I had landed a book deal conniving ya’ that ‘Forty for Forty‘ would soon be flying off shelves. I got promoted at work, stepping back into my old role and completing a 3-year ascent to reclaim my former digs after being let go in 2009. I stood witness as my buddy Scott got married – wishing he and his bride a loving life ahead while elsewhere, I sadly closed the page on one chapter and wondered just what great stories my next would contain.
Not to drag things down but I find that now the dust has cleared and the world settled – my life finally resting on solid ground – there’s a tangible loneliness that has crept in. There’s no doubt in my head; this new chapter I’m writing is exactly where my life needs to lead BUT I’m restless for what comes next. Half the week, my apartment is full of sound and glory; with Colin and Aria’s presence making this place a home. The other half of the week – it’s quiet… a little too quiet.
And it’s in the vacuum, I hear the loneliness whisper. I’ve got friends who have been on their own a long time – and they all say you get used to it. I get that. I really do.
But I don’t think it’s for me. Not for the long term.
I’ve had a huge, heaping helping of the hustle and bustle of a busy, boisterous home. Sure, there are those days you wish for Calgon to take you away – but when the world quiets to a constant silence, you pine for the craziness. For the life and love that a warm, well-stocked home provides.
Living on my own is but a stop on the journey. A pause that hopefully restarts. Somewhere in my future, my Chapter Two NEEDS to introduce a new character; much needed companionship.
I know the days are young but as I mentioned at the top, time flies way too fast. Here we are with one more year in the books; having been completely Punk’d by the Mayans. We’re still here. December 21st came and went with barely a bang nor whimper. Life goes on.
Somewhere in my future, mine must too. Who knows who that next special someone is – although I think I have a good idea in mind of what I’m looking for. For starters – someone who shares my interests. A love of movies. Of laughter. Of good stories. And great friends. The warmth of family.
And maybe a nice home in the quiet country under a sea of shining stars.
Not so much to ask for but certainly a decent little dream to harbor. It’s the little things that make a life.
As I close out a memorable 2012, I look ahead to the future… to where my story leads next – ever hopeful that this current state of quiet reflection doesn’t linger too long. You live on your own a little too long, you take a shine to talking to yourself. I’ve had my fill of what I have to say. Almost time to start a dialogue. 🙂
But that’s for another day.
For now, this is Forty.