If you’re reading this, I’m likely dead…
I finally got my hands on a laptop!!!
Or maybe it’s a little from Column A and a little from Column B. Either way, I’m back to haunting ya’ again.
First up – big thanks to my best bud Sean for gifting me his old MacBook Pro. With this set up in my new place, The Ed Zone is officially back in business. The good news, I’ve had a lot rattling around the old brain pan over the last few months, so I aim to keep this site freshly stocked – meaning you should swing by and check out the latest goods, often. I’ll have at least one new post a week and most likely, so much more. Promise! And make sure you add your voice to the chorus by leaving a Comment below. I’d love to hear from you.
Now – without diving too deep – I thought I’d kick things off by penning a little dashboard confessional and give you all a reason for my disappearing act. Over the last several months a variety of elements have conspired to take me down from my soapbox ~ or to put it a little less dramatically, I got real busy and this became the furthest thing from my mind.
For starters, as I’m sure a number of you know, I got divorced. Someday I’ll write about that experience in more detail, at least from my perspective, as I don’t want to pull other people’s emotions into this. But it’s on its way to being official – having already stood before the judge. Roughly 90 days from now, it’s in the books.
The long and short of it is that my divorce is very amicable. Very sad too… but it bears repeating and underscoring and shouting from the rooftops, I am doing fine. My ex-wife is doing fine. And my children, most importantly, are doing fine. It’s a major life change that only friends and family – AND TIME – can ease through.
That started at the beginning of the year and colored so much of what came after. There were long stretches where I was merely acting my way through the day – sucker-punched at the decision we had mutually come to – that no matter how well we were doing in the home life and decently from a financial perspective, there was a palpable unhappiness in our marital life that just wasn’t a phase. It wasn’t something we could wish away or build up our immune system to guard against. It was there in our heads the moment they hit the pillow, and your darkest fears take root before you finally slip off into slumber… and it was there the moment we awoke and realized it hadn’t been all just a dream.
That type of unhappiness needs to be addressed and discussed. You have one life to live. You owe it to yourself to make it a good one.
And the truth is, we felt each other drifting apart for a long time.
We were friends. We’ll remain friends. But – we had come to a point where we realized that’s not enough for a marriage… for a life.
I’ve gone through the emotional ringer. Since we first started seriously discussing this, I’ve freaking balled my eyes out more times than I can believe. I’ve felt numb. I’ve driven by my exit for work more times than I care to admit as my emotions have grabbed hold of me at the worst possible time (and on the Mass Pike – missing your Exit and seeking the next one 10 miles later, is no fun). I’ve questioned myself. I’ve questioned her. “Is this the right thing to do?” We’ve come at this from every single angle trying to find one that makes it all make sense that we stay together.
But in the end, it all comes back to something as simple as just being happy.
So, while all that was going on, I also had my countdown to turning Forty simmering on the burner. It doesn’t help that in the age of Facebook, we are all so entwined in our friends’ lives. Since that ball dropped in Times Square last year, my Facebook Newsfeed has been lit up with a ticking countdown of former classmates turning the big 4-0. Each day brought a new one hitting the mark – coaxing my own biological clock to tick just a little faster. And the second they hit their Born-on-Date, I could sense a change. Suddenly my former schoolyard chums were eating dinner at 4 pm and in bed by 7 – wearing pants up to their mid-chest and standing in line to see Clint Eastwood have ‘Trouble with the Curve’. They get so old, right before your very eyes. 😉
Me. I didn’t want to get old. I didn’t want to chase all you young whippersnappers off my lawn.
Far from it. I invite you on over. Chase all the balls you want. Trample my flowers. Fix up my Gran Torino. Stop by this little patch of digital real estate and just sit for a spell – for some good, sparking conversation – even if it’s just a little note in the Comments below.
So, that little Forty for Forty project of mine sort of revealed my cards. I embraced Forty.
But 40 articles over one year – each full-length magazine style – kinda’ broke my brain. By the time the last one was published on June 6, 2012, I was well on the way towards the divorce and had also just put the finishing touches on the second play I wrote, while getting ready to co-star in the Summer Musical, Willy Wonka, and looking ahead to the late-Summer production star of The Monkeybar Mafia. That run-on sentence sort of says it all. 🙂
I needed recharging.
In some fashion, this life change helped recharge my batteries.
Once we had told the kids and then our friends and family, I got busy with writing my own personal second chapter ~ finding a place, shopping for and securing furnishing, decking out the place, easing the kids into the split-custody biweekly arrangement, getting Monkeybar up and running and all those other nagging everyday concerns, i.e. work, bills, the kid’s new school year. And without a laptop, I just let this cyber space gather dust.
But now, that has all started to settle. Thanksgiving is behind us and as is evidenced by the vast menagerie of Christmas decorations that Colin and Aria decked my new halls with last night, the next holiday is on fast approach. We’re due to get our tree in a week, which should really tie the good tidings together.
I’m feeling good these days. Things are settling. Life is moving on.
And as I sit here, before the laptop, occasionally stealing glances out the window at a crisp Autumn New England day, for the first time in a long time, I know exactly what I want to do.
It’s time to get started on that second chapter… and jot down whatever else comes to mind. And I’ll be sure to let you read all about it.