November 2010
This is a list of posts published in November 2010.
Time of Your Life
I don’t know how it happened… but after 20 straight days of annoying the complete hell out of everyone and making a mess of their Facebook Walls with my inane, rambling reasons for why you should come out for that 20 Year reunion (as if anyone needed an excuse to drink) – anyway, somehow I made it the whole night without getting punched square in the nuts. And I practically begged for it!!! Someone did grab my ass though. Oh well, it’s the little things. So, I’d call that a minor victory for me.
One that pales in comparison to the mammoth success story Stacy Shalno and Kristin Delvental conjured up for our big time 20 Year High School Reunion. Seriously, is there anyone waking this morning who didn’t have a good time? Hell, is there anyone waking up this morning in the right house?!?!? No! Well, ... Continue reading »
The 2010 Ultimate Yankee Swap Fighting – Extreme Championship Home Edition Rules
We’re a little over a week away from The Humphries 10th Annual Christmas Party.
We began this tradition the year we were married (in part to celebrate our swanky new digs but mostly to find a time in the hectic holiday season to tip a glass of good cheer alongside our close friends) and we haven’t missed a year yet.
Over time, we have worked the schedule to try and offset the myriad of other gatherings that we all field innumerable invitations to attend. While we used to hold the event closer to Christmas, we have tried to steer clear of the big day, in a bid to garner more visitors and prop up our fragile egos, even if for just one day. Next year, we might host the big Christmas Party somewhere due South of Arbor Day, so mark that fridgee calendar now.
Of course, this experim... Continue reading »
Tri and Succeed
Editor’s Note – This was originally published in September 2009.
I’m alive.
ALIVE!!!
Well, I did it. I somehow managed to swim, bike and run a combined 14+ miles without dropping dead this past Saturday. This from a dude who once upon a time quit at Mile 2 of a 3 Mile Road Race - huffing and puffing the whole way at the newly minted age of 17. Back then, the potent mix of testosterone and Glacial Chill Gatorade should have been enough to send me to the Moon and back, and yet I could barely muster enough energy for a little 30-minute skedaddle. How I pity the virtuous vixens that shadowed my every step back then. All they wanted was a virile hunk of testosterone prime and instead they got Everybody’s All Asthmatic – sputtering his way through ... Continue reading »
Underwire: One Year Undercover with the Monkeybar Mafia
As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be in the Mom’s Club.
The problem is, when you’re packing a package, that’s a pretty tall order. It doesn’t matter how many Glee eps you watch, Zumba classes you take or scrapbook pages you fake, if you’re clutching cargo you ain’t vaulting their velvet rope. Outside looking in, sport.
But rob a man of his job and what he loses in dignity he makes up for with opportunity. One door closes and another window opens – a portal into that exclusive club where chicks bitch all day about their no-good husbands while secretly thanking their lucky stars that their hubby doesn’t suck nearly as bad as their BFF’s does.
Of course, much of this is pure hyperbole coming from a guy who never met a fact he couldn&#... Continue reading »
Face to Face
Hands down, Facebook is the single greatest invention of the 21st century.
Oh sure, some jackass will stroll along in the next year or so and dazzle us all with a flying car or vacuum based hair-styling gizmo, but until that day happens, Facebook rules the roost.
Simply put – it’s the one feat of mental engineering that has allowed all of us to realize that impossible dream of pulling together every awesome personality we’ve ever spent time alongside or whiled away an evening in total, intoxicating conversation – and has allowed us to meet and greet in the same room, no matter how many miles may span between. It’s shrunk the Earth and evaporated the gulf of time. And it’s a Godsend for cyber stalkers everywhere. That’s WIN-WIN baby!!!
I first joined up last... Continue reading »
Off They Go
Editor’s Note: This was originally published in September 2009.
On that inevitable day that I find myself on the business end of a waterboarding treatment, pressed to divulge the most intimate thoughts crated in my cabeza, when my grand inquisitors finally get around to the topic of Favorite Blog Posts, I know exactly which one I’ll name Numero Uno. Off He Goes – my heartfelt tribute to Colin’s first day of kindergarten. Of course, longtime readers of this site could also pick that post from a lineup as I’ve often referenced it and held it up as the shining beacon that illuminates this site when it all comes together just right.
Yeah – there’s a dollop of hubris for ya’, but dammit, my name’s all over this site so despite the... Continue reading »
Off He Goes
Editor’s Note: This was originally published in September 2008.
When I was five years old, my family resided on the Mean Streets of Everett, MA. At the time, I was enrolled in Kindergarten at the Hamilton Elementary School – a brick and mortar classroom that sat sentinel at the base of a large hill that stood between my home and the school’s foundation. There were multiple ways to get to school on foot but each involved journeying across several blocks of urban cityscape before arriving at that final destination – a foolhardy pursuit for even the toughest mofo. In those days, the swan song of the late 70’s, mankind hadn’t perfected the fine art of “Sue Everyone” so the school systems found themselves benefit of the litigious illiterate and etc... Continue reading »
The Impossible Dream
Editor’s Note – This was originally published in 2006.
I’ve been in a family mood lately.
Of course, I am grand patriarch to a modest brood (my son Colin, daughter Aria and two dogs of whom a paternity test has proven I am not the biological father but love all the same). Unless you’re some deadbeat who collects ’72 Novas in his front yard and downs Schlitz by the gallon while shouting to your kinfolk to “Git R Done!!!” – it’s hard not to feel in the family way most every day. All it takes is a turn into your driveway – on some cold winter’s day after the grueling grind at the ‘nine to five’ - where a quick peek at your front window reveals the silhouette of a head (or in my case four heads) peering out, awaiting you... Continue reading »
Theater of War
Editor’s Note – This was originally published in September 2008.
If I ever go to war, I know exactly who I want in my fox hole.
Michael Crawford.
That’s right, the legendary actor who thrilled audiences and blitzkrieged Broadway with his iconic turn as the Phantom of the Opera. Granted, I’ve never seen the show and the last Playbill I paged through was for The Backyardigans: Tales of the Mighty Knights – ON ICE!!!, but if there is one thing I’ve learned from my recent experience on stage, it’s those actors can really kick some ass.
As you all know and thus far have chosen to ignore (based solely on the middling response to my recent e-mail announcement of ticket availability), I am making my long-awaited return center stage in ... Continue reading »
Ten Years Later…
Ten years ago today, my wife woke to a picture perfect swatch of Autumnal bliss – beheld the brilliant blue sky that stretched before her on that warm slice of late Indian Summer, and headed to the chapel as she was gonna’ get a’ married. No longer would the rest of womenfolk have to contend with my amorous advances once she said those magic words in response to mine and sealed the deal on our wedded bliss.
In baseball terms, she took one for the team.
I kid, of course. We both made out great in the deal and all of man and womankind is the worse for it. Two great catches found themselves in the same net that day and while we couldn’t know the road our shared life has traveled, we had a pretty good inkling that it was bound for glory.
That’s what shacking up and... Continue reading »
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The Ed Zone and EdHumphries.com is maintained by Ed Humphries - a man with a tenuous grasp on the nature of narcissism.
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