I have been trying to figure out a way to upload my videos to this site for months and finally I found my solution. Yup, this newfangled doohickey YouTube is my ticket to fortune and glory. And what’s this I hear about a Google on the Internets?
As some of you know, I was a helluva’ videophile back in my day with my eye on one day taking Hollywood by storm.
It began back in my college days at UMASS Amherst. As the sand ran down on my senior year, I decided instead of taking some random Polaroids (that was WAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY before digital anything), instead I would grab a video camera and film my cronies. And none of that ad-hoc “look into the camera and say a few words” cliche BS. Nope – I decided I would script something and have some of my friends act their parts out. And not just anything. Nope, I was gonna’ give Ed Wood a run for his money.
What follows is easily the worst thing I have ever created – a film so bad that it’s a damned good thing I found my way accidentally thrust into the financial services sector (where every day I lose another ounce of soul). At least working there, I get to eat.
Enough humble pie… I will admit that over the years I’ve honed my chops and I have no doubt that I could really make something worth viewing these days – had I enough time to actually devote to the craft. Ahhhh, the ever present Catch-22. When all I had was time, I didn’t have the knowledge or discipline. Now that I have the smarts and know-how, I lack the time. My kingdom for a time machine.
Anyway, I’ll probably post some of my later works over the next few months, but to kick things off proper, I say we all sit for a spell and enjoy the misery that is Dumb White Guy. I’ve broken this up into six or several parts and will post a new one every couple of days. Word of warning – this was filmed in 1994 and on a Fisher Price ViewMaster so the sound quality is not the greatest. I’ve tried my best to update the soundtrack but there are moments here that nothing short of napalm could save.
Oh – and I have no doubt that knowing the way they cultivate talent, my agent should be getting calls from Hollywood within minutes.
Without further adieu, I present (without pride) Dumb White Guy – Part 1.