I’m getting some work done.

To commemorate this Oscar season and celebrate the triumphant return of those starving writers, I’m going all Hollywood on ya’ and getting a nose job.

I’m serious. It’s all so scandalously true.

On March 17th 2008, I’ll walk in a Q-Bert and walk out who knows what. A Karl Malden? An Adrian Brody? A Marsha Brady? The choices are endless.

To be honest, the nose job is just the side-effect of a very real surgery that I have scheduled. I finally made the call and on that fateful day in March (two days removed from the Ides), I’ve got a date with destiny in the form of a surgical repair to correct my deviated septum.

As some of you may know, I’ve been plagued by some nagging health concerns for the better part of the last two years. It all started in the summer of 2006 – when a little diagnosis of prostatitis (yes – I hold nothing secret on this site) led to a prescription of Cipro from which one tiny little pill almost led to my massacre on the Mass Pike. The severe allergic reaction that followed from one dose of the drug forced me to consult a physician and redo the RX.

Now, I’d like to think it’s coincidence but two days later, I came down with this bizarre eye ailment that would afflict me only when watching TV or working in front of a computer. Essentially, my eyesight was fine through normal daily activities but as soon as my peepers spied a plasma or a PC, they went all haywire. The best way to describe it is persistent eye strain. All it takes is 30 seconds in front of a monitor and my eyes are blazing. That eye strain usually invites a headache or two. In addition, I get this weird heavy brow/lid sensation where my upper eye lids and brow feel like they are straining to stay open. While the affliction ebbs and flows (the old standard – there are good days and bad), I can safely say that every single day of the last year and a half has seen some semblance of this issue. And frankly, it’s driving me crazy.

I’ve been from the general practitioner to the eye doc to the allergist to an MRI to an ENT (Ear, Nose, Throat) and back again. Most have given me a clean bill of health. The most obvious conduit for my concerns would be the eye doc but I have been there 6 times now and each time I pass every test with flying colors. My vision is better than 20/20. My eye pressure is fine. No signs of any abnormalities on the surface of the eye. Everything checks out – hence the ability to remain spec free all these years. The one thing the doc did diagnose me with was a case of chronic dry eye syndrome of which they are not really sure what brings that on. (My guess – staring at a computer screen all day). Still, my eyes, for the most part are fine in all other areas of every day life – it’s just the PC and TV that seem to give me fits.

During my marathon amongst the medical community, I ended up at the aforementioned ENT who sent me for a CAT scan on my cabeza to check the sinuses and make sure I didn’t have anything unwanted creeping around my brain pan. The grey matter checked out fine but he did find some major problems with my sinus (big time inflammation). Anyone who knows me knows I’ve always got Kleenex nearby. I’ve been like that since I was a kid when I was first diagnosed with some moderate allergies. Blowing my nose on a fairly consistent basis just became part of the routine and one that I lived with and never really knew to be out of the ordinary.

The ENT noticed that I had a pronounced deviated septum which would contribute mightily to my sinus issues. I’ve noticed over the last couple of years that each winter I have come down with some nagging sinus infections that decided to root for a month or two. Again, I just sort of lived through it. The doctor talked me through it and suggested that surgery could really improve things for me (at least in relation to the sinus issues). I asked him if there was a possibility that my sinus issues (including the inflammation) could be influencing my eye issues. My thought is the sinuses are so close to the eyes that perhaps the pressure built there could be having a detrimental affect on my eyes. The doc didn’t necessarily sign-off on my theory but didn’t dismiss it entirely. Simply put, surgery would correct the sinus issues and could potentially positively impact other issues.

That was enough for me. I’m grasping at straws here but I decided to schedule the surgery. Now, while it is a day surgery, the description of it could make one take pause. For starters, they break your nose. I half expect that on the morning of my procedure, I’ll crest the stairs to the surgical suite and be met with a knuckle-sandwich to the schnoz. As I hit the ground, I imagine the last thing I see before blacking out will be the doc’s bloodied brass knuckles being tossed in the trash and he and the nurse practitioner beating a hasty retreat for parts unknown. It’s a good thing I didn’t schedule a lobotomy. I’m sure they order that one up, gangland style.

That said, I’ll try anything to correct this eye problem. I’m closing in on two years and have had nothing work. I’ve had punctual plugs inserted in my tear ducts (they’re still there). I’m taking Restasis eye drops daily. I’ve added Flaxseed Oil (an Omega 3 Fatty Acid supplement) to my diet. I’m trying to stay as hydrated as possible. I’m applying warm compresses to the eye lids nightly. And still – no relief.

I make my livelihood typing at a computer. When I’m not working, I engage my true love (writing) through Blog posts. And when I’ve got down time, I grab my Lost fix, watch a Sox or Pats game, or engage in some Wii60 play. Those are my pastimes. That said, I’m not in front of this media 24 x 7. I’m not hooked on Evercrack or World of Warcraft. Nobody is going to find me rotting in a North Korean gaming parlor following a 72 hour marathon session of Second Life. I have plenty of other pursuits that don’t involve glazing these orbs – most notably, spending time with the family and the constant home improvements and yardwork that keep one busy when the Nine-to-Five is on hiatus. If I were some latch key deadbeat Dad who simply hunkered down in front of the HD, then I’d say, I get what I deserve. But my spare time is few and fleeting so the time spent in front of these devices (with the noted exception of the day job) is certainly within normal daily usage.

And let’s face it, it’s not like I can color my collar blue. Even if I did unplug from the current position, there’s no way I could make the same level of scratch hauling the daily catch down at the Dudley Docks.

Here’s hoping this sinus surgery will positively impact my eye issues.

Here’s hoping I hit it on the nose.