I’m on vacation this week. Of course, vacation is the operative word and should be taken loosely, with a grain a salt, and with any other cliche you can come up with that implies said vacation is actually more work than the desk job would have tossed my way.

Basically, I decided to take a week off to throw myself into the maelstrom of yard work, bushwacking and big game hunting that comes with owning a home. Weekends just don’t afford enough time to catch up with our daily battle at kicking Mother Nature to the curb. Living in a rural area only adds to the experience – with all manner of creeping moss, sneaking ivy and snapping velociraptor encroaching on my property.

So the work is cut out ahead of me. Truth be told, I kinda’ like getting out there and applying some hard labor. Kinda’ makes me feel like a man. Of course I have fathered two children (a boy being first) so it’s not like that was ever in question. I’m testosterone prime, baby.

On the docket are a number of tasks – including cleaning our frog pond to make sure my Spring and Summer guests have a comfy retreat to return to, clearing the brush that surrounds the property (and in the course of that, liberating any wayward balloonists that happened to get stuck in the sticks) and cleaning the garage (a thrice yearly event that sees our garage looking pristine for exactly 7 minutes before all goes swiftly back to hell.)

Oh, I’d be remiss if I passed over the piece de resistance.

Over the winter, a tree fell in our yard. Besides providing me with Item #238 on the Cosmic To Do list, it answered that age-old question – it didn’t make a peep. Not that we heard anyway. (In related news, a bear was spotted bumming the key to a Sunoco restroom.) Anyway, this tree needs clearing and due to its length and thickness, a chainsaw is required. Which means I am required to operate a chain saw for the first time in my life, with no instruction, tutelage or apprenticeship available. Andi feels that you can just pick it up and go to town. She says it’s like riding a bike. I suppose if everyime I went out for a ride, my leg got wedged in the spokes while the chain spun round and round, shredding straight through my alterior ankle bone – then the analogy is appropriate.

Anyway, yesterday I took saw to limb. I fought the saw and the saw won.


Comments now closed (2)

  • Two things:
    1. Where’s the blood? That’s a fake leg!
    2. Technically, this is day 5, but where’s day 4? I knew Mook would drop the ball…

  • He did drop the ball. I’ve altered the schedule (as far as dates are concerned) although the order remains the same. So look for another one tomorrow. Hey give me a break – I just lost a leg. There’s no blood because it all drained out and then some squirrels drank it. I think they were vampire squirrels. In fact, I’m pretty bloody sure of it.