You know… after sitting through eight plus hours of HR automatons droning on and on about how a shrug of the shoulder or a subtle wink can be construed as sexual harassment (granted the shrug and wink were in response to “Hey! Do you think Sheila boffed Bill from Accounting” - the shrug being “Hmmm, I’m not sure” and the wink being “She shagged him rotten, Yeah Baby Yeah!!!” and a knowing wink at that, it was) — anyway after sitting through that same annual seminar my natural, knee-jerk reaction is to take a detour on the way back to ‘Cubicle, Sweet Cubicle’ and impregnate half of Tax & Compliance.

(Before reading any further, please understand that the Sheila/Bill liaison hinted at in first paragraph is completely fictional. We all know that that be-yotch Sheila would never hob Bill’s nob — Man I hope these Bloglodytes understand sarcasm and parody. D’amn, they’re probably schooled on libelous speech.)

Anyway, as mentioned before, there was no knowing wink and a shrug. It is true that this morning I filed into the HR conference room along with my fellow management peers and sat down for (and read this next part in your best internal monotone) EIGHT STRAIGHT HOURS. During this time, they reinforced the notion that Sexual Harassment is Bad. Rest assured that after EIGHT STRAIGHT YEARS, this fact is now so thoroughly ingrained in my sub conscience that not only has it officially merged with my DNA but you can be damn sure that no ancestor of mine will consider shaking another man’s hand let alone spill a milk shake in your lap and offer to lap it. Goodbye, sweet tradition!!!

I fully support Sexual Harassment legislation, rules and regulations - but as with so many other aspects of the political correctness movement, it has been brought too far to the extreme in certain cases, thoroughly inhibiting the way in which people in the office interact. Relationship building used to be such a key business skill leading to increased team camaraderie and productivity. Those days are waning.

I think The Simpsons captured the sexual harassment hysteria perfectly in the episode where Homer was accused of sexually harassing the family babysitter. After facing public ridicule, a thoroughly enlightened Homer sat Bart and Lisa down and imparted this sage advice:

“Remember when Grandpa sent us that postcard from Florida that showed an alligator biting at that girl’s bathing suit? Oh, sure we all thought it was very funny back then… but it turns out that alligator was sexually harassing that girl.”

Ahhh, to be that alligator… D’oh!!!