Mr. Cranky at CrankyPants.com
I go away for sixty some-odd minutes and this is what my faithful Bloglodytes receive - a stern lecture from Mr. Cranky of CrankyPants.com.
Joe had it right in his commentary - Mookie Rooney is in the house. Y’all know the routine. Rooney comes on at the tail-end of the show and spends 3 or 4 minutes spouting off on tired old subjects. Vegas places odds on Rooney joining the latest triumvirate of Celebrity Death Pool. Rooney signs off - and we all shuffle on to CBS’ Touched By a California Angel (”Yeah Vlad, right there. Oh yeah, that’s the spot.”) or Bitten By a Monkey or whatever damn thing they’re shilling.
“I’m Mookie Rooney… and I’m not happy. The Free Masons are a secret society - assembled by Benjamin Franklin and Patrick Henry - brought together with the solemn goal of leaving a series of increasingly obtuse clues in obvious places of national import in order to lead some all-knowing treasure hunter - who just happens to share the surname of my paterfamilias - to the great cache of gold we stored for no goddamn apparent reason. And now - I gotta’ hear some young whippersnapper pontificate over the phonograph on the true nature of greatness - set to a rocking Bruckheimian soundtrack - in order to stir a new generation of Free Masons. Spare us your huddled masses of cyber punks and Skater Bois. The Free Masons (and by proxy, Stone Cutters) don’t need ‘em.
Anyway - ya’ gotta love Mook. Although his birth certificate lists him as a hair over 30 - his sensibilties have that age pegged in dog years.
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This post has 10 comments (now closed):
President, Mookie Fan Club
Sunday, March 5, 2006 6:54 pm
You mock what you do not understand.
Sean
Sunday, March 5, 2006 9:25 pm
Mook’s godpartner is coming to his defense!
Let me join in with the mocking then. I’ve got his back on crap EEI commercials — you forgot to mention those anti-gay marriage ones that need to go immediately — but the rest of the post seemed all over the place. Very Rooney-ish. Don’t even get me started on dropping Scrim…
Ed
Sunday, March 5, 2006 10:33 pm
And what’s with his head. The guy’s cabbage is like a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade float. One sharp gust and that noggin could take down the Chrysler Building.
Mookie Rooney
Monday, March 6, 2006 12:16 am
You guys are nuts… OK, Hemingway I am not, but if that’s what you were looking for, then you obviously wouldn’t have made your way to this site. Last I checked, these “blogs” were forums where you could express what is on your mind at any given time… If I just happened to hear from Ben F like 10 times that morning about masonry, you could probably understand. I get the message though… this is a one-voice page, so I shall take my reflections elsewhere. I hear 60 Minutes may be hiring for their grouchy old man position, and I think I’d be a good fit.
BTW, did I mention stupid car washes? Who in their right mind would wait in line for 30 minutes for a drive through car wash? I will never wait in line to give someone my hard-earned money. There was a day when a dollar in your hand meant three businesses would be going out of their way to wash and wax your wheels.. never mind this waiting junk. I’d rather 3 inches of salt accumulation on my vehicle than a half-hour in line for a freakin’ car wash.
Ed
Monday, March 6, 2006 7:51 am
That was an awfully lengthy diatribe for a one-voice page.
Come back, Mookie. Come BAAAAAAAAACKKKKKK!!!
Samuel "Screech" Powers
Monday, March 6, 2006 3:45 pm
I have one request of you bloggers. Can you please make them interesting at least? These are some of the most boring things I have ever seen in print. Most of the time, I would rather gouge my eyes out than have to read another line of this mindless drivel. Please, get up, open the door, and go outside.
Batman
Monday, March 6, 2006 5:15 pm
I am the night.
Mr. Belding
Wednesday, March 8, 2006 7:33 pm
On behalf of all the faculty, staff, and student body of Bayside High, I would like to assure you that Screech has been given detention for the rest of his young life. Please forgive his nerdy ways. He has been overly frustrated especially after sitting on his pocket protector in a rather uncomfortable way.
Bayside High RULES!
Sean
Wednesday, March 8, 2006 8:13 pm
I think our friends Mookie Rooney and Screech need an outlet for their respective issues other than The Ed Zone comments. Might I suggest that Mookie prove he’s a bett-ah blog-gah than Ed over on Scooby Speak and we might even have room there for Screech to provide some content that won’t make him gouge his eyes out…
Ed
Wednesday, March 8, 2006 8:27 pm
You people do realize that my site will forever be haunted by Mario Lopez Googling groupies… Thanks a freakin’ lot. It’s bad enough Dana brough half the red states with him last time he posted.